He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
