i don't like sucking hair
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
