i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
