Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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