census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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