I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And then he peed in my hair
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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