Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
