how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
