Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
