why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
