I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
