her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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