I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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