If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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