So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
