If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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