I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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