are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
