If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
