She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I supernannyed him into submission
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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