i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
