Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
