this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
