So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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