is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The uberlube is also flammable
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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