i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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