Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
