It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
