Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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