The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
