it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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