Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
