we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
