Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
