I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
