I cannot find my penis.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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