Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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