did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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