I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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