why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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