you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
