I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
