how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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