I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
