So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
