shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
