Dual....:-)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
