Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
