Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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