I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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