I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
