Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
