i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
