I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
