just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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