so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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