I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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