I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
