I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
