Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
