I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
