So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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