I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
