She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My bed smells like the plague
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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