Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
