I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
