I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
