Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
