Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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