why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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