His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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