you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your cock deserves a montage
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
