yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
