And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
