Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
