whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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