My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
