Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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