...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
