This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
