I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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