soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
