Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
